Life in the twenty-first century certainly comes with a host of unique challenges, and perhaps none more pervasive and perplexing than the role that mobile web technology now plays.
With the advent of smart devices like phones and tablets, life has changed considerably.
I remember when my daughter was about 5 years old, I heard her having a heated argument with someone in the TV room next door. The problem was that the rest of the family was in the living room, so I thought to myself, “Who on earth is she talking to?” As it turns out, she was on my wife’s iPad and had accidentally activated Siri. She didn’t realise it was an AI voice she was engaging with, so she was repeatedly yelling at Siri to “shut up” while Siri attempted to work out exactly what my daughter was trying to get from her. It was a funny moment but a profound reminder of how just how much our world has changed.
Over 5 Billion people own mobile devices (65% of the world’s population). In fact, more people have access to a mobile phone than people with access to a toilet or clean drinking water.
And our mobile devices are changing the way we work and relate.
Now I’m not a Luddite. I’m not anti-technology. The fact of the matter is that technology, including mobile web technology, has revolutionised our lives in so many positive ways, making many things simpler, faster and more convenient. But make no mistake about it, mobile web technology and the development of smart devices like your phone and tablet have also brought with them some really unique challenges.
So today, I’m writing about how we can respond to this new reality with wisdom and discernment by identifying and exploring The Seven Deadly Digital Sins.
I’m sure you have heard of the traditional seven deadly sins: Lust, Greed, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth, Envy and Pride.
Well, I’m talking about the seven deadly digital sins, what they are and how to avoid them, so here we go. The first is…
1. DISTRACTION
Digital distraction is, by definition, inattention to the reality around you caused by a fixation with your digital device. It has a wide range of consequences, including walking into street poles, car accidents and marriages ending in divorce.
Research has shown that drivers engaged in texting while driving are eight times more likely to be involved in a crash, and any type of mobile phone use increases the risk of an accident fourfold.
The transport authority in our country has a confronting ad running on TV about the danger of driver distraction, and their tagline is “Know the distance of distraction”. I like the phrase – “the distance of distraction” because it doesn’t only apply to driving. Digital distraction can create a kind of emotional distance between you and those you love.
I remember sitting on the couch one day, going through something on my phone while my daughter, who was much younger at the time, was calling me. I was obviously distracted and disengaged, so in frustration, she climbed up onto the couch, grabbed me by the ears and pulled my face away from the phone to look at her. It was a wake-up call.
Someone once said that Social Media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter are “weapons of mass distraction”. I think that’s true, and, like regular weapons, they can do a lot of damage.
So, if DISTRACTION is the vice, then ATTENTION is the virtue.
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your undivided attention. It’s one of the things I love most about God, the fact that His attention is always on us. The moment you put your attention on God, you realise His attention is already on you. You never have to beg God to put down His phone.
When someone in your family tries to talk to you, put down the device, turn off the TV, close the laptop screen and neutralise the distraction by giving them your physical and undivided attention.
I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face so that our joy may be complete. – 2 John 1:12 (NIV)
“Paper and ink” was the technology of the first century that allowed people to communicate and connect without being in someone’s personal space. It was as powerful and revolutionary to their world as digital technology is to ours, but it was limited.
For this reason, John the apostle essentially says, “I don’t want to merely rely on the convenience of the technology I have at my disposal. I would rather see you face to face. I want to look you in the eyes, because there is something about being together, seeing one another face-to-face, in real-time and in person that is so valuable.”
As long as we are human, there will always be something about face-to-face, eye-ball-to-eye-ball connection and conversation that will be irreplaceable, so overcome the distance of distraction by giving your loved ones your undivided attention.
The second Deadly Digital Sin is…
2. DEVIANCE
Deviance is, by definition, diverging from usual or accepted standards or norms, especially in social or sexual behaviour.
Part of the problem with mobile web technology is that it gives you 24/7 accessibility and privacy. You can be doing things “in secret” on your phone while in the comfort of your own living room and in the company of your own family, and no one would be any the wiser. That includes everything from surfing pornography to gambling online to flirting with strangers on Snapchat to reconnecting with old boyfriends or girlfriends from high school on Facebook.
A few years ago, I spent a significant amount of time helping a couple who were going through a deeply distressing time as a family because the husband had racked up over $60000 in online gambling debt. In the old days, if you wanted to put a bet on a race or a game, you had to get up and go down to the local bookie and place the bet. Today you can do it with three clicks of the mouse or two flicks of a finger, and you can do it secretly.
So, if DEVIANCE is the vice, then INTEGRITY is the virtue.
I like the way King David expressed the importance of this virtue:
I will be careful to live a blameless life. I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I will reject perverse ideas and stay away from every evil. – Psalm 101:2-4 (NLT)
Don’t do anything privately on your phone that you wouldn’t do publicly in front of people. Allow other people to check your online activity. I have a few friends who use me as their online accountability partner, and they have subscribed to platforms that will notify me if they visit certain websites.
We have an internet filter that tracks and reports on our kids’ online activity. The kids hate it, but it helps us monitor their online engagement and limits the kinds of websites they have access to. We also don’t allow them to have devices in their bedrooms. No Phones, games, TVs or tablets except in the open living areas, where we can keep an eye on what they are doing.
It might seem extreme, but the threats are real and the safe guards are helpful.
The third Deadly Digital Sin is…
3. COMPARISON
Someone once said that comparison is “measuring your progress against somebody else’s goals”. I like that.
The problem these days is that a lot of people post the “highlight reel” of their lives online, and to anyone looking on, it appears as though everything is near perfect; that they never have any problems. The danger is that you can end up comparing your “reality” to their “ideality” and start feeling like you’re failing miserably or falling behind.
Don’t ever compare your movie to somebody else’s snapshot.
I love the way Paul the apostle cautions us against this human tendency to compare:
For we dare not compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. – 2 Corinthians 10:12 (NKJV)
That’s great advice! It was wise counsel two thousand years ago, and it’s still wise counsel today. Don’t compare yourself to people who promote and commend themselves, those who make a point of celebrating, validating and affirming themselves, because I can guarantee you, they aren’t showing you their true selves or their whole selves.
This same Apostle Paul also said,
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. – Galatians 6:4 (NLT)
So, if COMPARISON is the vice, then CONTENTMENT is the virtue.
Be content with who you are, and who God made you to be. Be content with what God called you to do and the way He called you to do it. Be the best version of yourself, and don’t try to be a cheap imitation of somebody else.
The fourth Deadly Digital Sin is…
4. OUTRAGE
As you know, we live in the age of opinion. That is not to say that, for the first time, people have opinions. People have always had opinions, but in the past, you needed a platform if you wanted to share those opinions widely and publicly. To gain a platform, you usually had to be invited onto one on the basis of your credibility and expertise. These days, everybody has a platform and permission to share their opinions widely and freely!
Sometimes that’s a good thing because when good ideas are shared, we all learn and grow. However, the shadow side to all of that is that now it is also possible for people to share opposing ideas and views without thinking about the person on the other side of the exchange.
The distance between ourselves and those we are engaging with desensitises us to what they might feel and emboldens us to be stronger and more vitriolic in expressing what we feel.
We’ve all seen it on social media. Unbelievable levels of anger, disproportionate outrage, verbal abuse, harassment and even bullying. Unfortunately, as a result, it feels as though we are rapidly losing the art of respectful debate and civil dialogue.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. – James 1:9 (NLT)
If OUTRAGE is the vice, then SELF-CONTROL is the virtue.
Think before you post!
The fifth Deadly Digital Sin is…
5. COMPULSION
Compulsion is simply uncontrolled behaviour. In the context of this conversation, it is the unconscious pick-up. The irresistible urge to grab your phone or device, even though you don’t need to, or even when it isn’t appropriate to do so.
How many times, on average, do you think you pick up your phone to look at it? 15? 20? 30? The average adult will pick up their phone around 70 times per day, not because it’s ringing or vibrating, but simply because it’s there. That’s compulsive behaviour.
There is no doubt that our mobile phone use is both mind-altering and mood-affecting and when done compulsively, it can be deeply disruptive.
I recently read about a recognised psychological disorder called Sleep Texting which has people picking up their phones at night (because they are often kept within reach) and then sending incoherent messages to family and friends or work colleagues via text while asleep! Awkward.
Of course, it’s not a sin to have a phone or own a tablet, but it isn’t always beneficial. If your phone dictates your behaviour and controls your habits, then it’s not healthy or helpful. If you are a slave to your technology, you are not in a healthy relationship with your technology.
You say, “I am allowed to do anything” — but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NLT)
If COMPULSION is the vice, then INTENTIONALITY is the virtue.
And the good news is that there are some helpful, intentional things you can do to break the habits around your device usage:
Have a No Phone Zone in the house. Maybe a particular room (like the dining room).
Have a No Phone Time during the day – between 6 pm and 8 pm or between 8 pm and 6 am.
Don’t charge your phone next to your bed. Charge your phone in another room.
Have device-free dinners where everyone puts their device away, not just face down.
Do a digital detox. Go cold-turkey. Take an extended time away from Social Media and your devices.
Be intentional about the habits you build around device usage to be helpful and healthy.
The sixth Deadly Digital Sin is…
6. MISREPRESENTATION
Now more than ever, you can present yourself in a way that is less than authentic. With filters and crops and editing capabilities, you can manage and curate your online image so that it becomes a standard you yourself can’t even achieve, never mind sustain. I call it the “Instascam” phenomenon. (It’s all about the angles, right?)
However, I’m noticing more and more that people are longing for and connecting with raw, unpolished and truthful content. There seems to be a push-back against the current trend of perfectly manicured self-promotion.
People want authenticity and vulnerability, so don’t be afraid to be real, to be unfiltered, to be unedited, and to be sincerely you.
If MISREPRESENTATION is the vice, then AUTHENTICITY is the virtue.
And finally, Deadly Digital Sin number seven…
7. AVOIDANCE
This is using your device to avoid human contact. If you don’t want to engage in conversation, you can pretend to be checking email on your phone. You can immerse yourself in your own world and intentionally shut out the people around you.
There’s actually a name for this phenomenon: it’s called “phubbing” or phone-snubbing. I’m phubbing you off when I ignore you or avoid you by pretending to be on my phone.
For many, their phones/devices are an escape because they don’t want to deal with the reality of what they’re facing in their lives and their relationships.
Avoidance is a coping mechanism we use when we feel overwhelmed. If you find yourself using your phone to avoid dealing with people or situations in your life, you probably have a deeper issue that needs to be identified. It may be the need to rest, the need to recharge emotionally, the need to reschedule your world, the need to address a relational conflict, or the need to re-order your priorities. Whatever that need is, it will require vulnerability to address it.
If AVOIDANCE is the vice, then VULNERABILITY is the virtue.
Vulnerability requires courage and a willingness to risk the possibility of being hurt, offended, misunderstood and disappointed. However, choosing to come out from behind your phone and engage with the world is worth the risk because the potential reward is huge.
So be brave and face the reality you are trying to avoid.
Conclusion
Digital distraction, cyber-addiction, phubbing and online outrage are all “socially transmitted diseases”. We pass these habits on to others, most notably our children. Kids take their cue from their parents when it comes to their online habits, so we need to be thoughtful and intentional about what we do online, for their sake and ours.
Thankfully there is much we can do at a practical level to ensure that the way we handle our technology enhances rather than hurts our relationships and the lives of those we love.
