I used to think that religious trauma referred only to the experiences of those who had suffered severe sexual, physical, or emotional abuse at the hands of the clergy.
I have since come to realise that it includes my own.
Of course, I was never the victim of institutionalised religious oppression or sexual abuse at the hands of a priest. Still, I was immersed for far too long in a system that demanded way more of me than God was asking.
For a long time, I struggled to accept that what I had experienced could legitimately be classified as “trauma”, even though to my body and soul, it felt traumatic.
I think I was concerned that applying that label to my own experience would somehow diminish the experiences of those who have endured far more traumatic realities than me, both inside and outside of religious institutions.
However, I have since come to accept that my experience has been nothing less than traumatic, and the impact on my body and soul would confirm this.
I still maintain that my trauma was of the milder variety, but I am growing in my understanding of what traumatic experiences (of varying degrees) look and feel like as I spend more time listening to people who have been traumatised in much the same way.
This post, however, is less about the experience and more about the recovery.
Perhaps in the future, I will elaborate on the nature of my experience and the resulting trauma, but right now, I want to talk about my healing.
I have been recovering for a while, and nature has been my sanctuary. That ancient place of God’s first Creation, where the primeval presence of the Divine Spirit hovered among the trees, the seas, and the mountains, long before we arrived on the scene.
I can still feel His Presence here. His delight, His pleasure, His love. He is in the wind and the waves, the sun and the sand, the moon and the stars, the birdsong in the morning, and the insects chirping in the evening. All of it still resonates with His infinite creativity, profound beauty, and limitless goodness.
And it doesn’t demand anything from me. It simply invites me to join in the worship, savour the sights, tune in to the sounds, and breathe in the life and energy of the Creator.
I have been free here. Free to feel. Free to think. Free to question. Free to explore. Free to enjoy. Free to rest. And free to be me.
It has been a delight to discover that this place still exists, the first cathedral of God’s own making. A world without words. The world before there were words.
Despite our selfish violence toward it and our blatant disregard for it, nothing we do will ever diminish its power as a refuge for weary souls who need an escape.
I’m thankful for this place, and all those I have met here, both fellow humans and others. All emanate from the same Creator, revealing His presence and welcoming me.
My healing has begun. Life has started to seep through the surface of my soul again. I feel reborn. I feel free. I feel God. I feel life. I feel me. I feel.
Rieki
Beautifully written Tim. So pleased to hear that you are on the road to healing.
So often Trauma is seen as “ not me” Others have it so much worse.
But I know that no matter what the timing once trauma is spoken about the true healing begins.
Tim Healy
So true. The “speaking about it” is arguably the hardest part but I have accepted that it is a step in the process I can no longer avoid.
Michael Paterson
So touched but your writing Tim and absolutely get it. The problem with trauma is that someone else’s seems more valid than our own and so we underestimate its effect on us. I am in week 2 in a remote part of the mountains of Andalucia. Gods cathedral is healing me too. Blessings abundant dear brother. Blessings abundant. Michael
Tim Healy
The mountains of Andalucia! That sounds utterly delightful. Enjoy!
Rob Humphreys
Tim, this was such a refreshing and reassuring read. You have beautifully articulated what I suspect is something many of us resonate with. Wonderfully written and honestly vulnerable. Keep preaching from behind this pulpit for those of us that struggle with the old established ones. Thank you my friend.
Tim Healy
Will do mate. Glad to hear its in some way life to your soul. Love to the fam.
Jackie Knight
How wonderful to hear that you are healing beautifully Tim. Nature. Gods first cathedral. Love it. ❤️
How absolutely liberating when you first get the courage to take that first step. Acknowledge abuse for what it is, different forms that it takes…. and taking those first tentative steps. Once you begin to understand and know that you are able to take steps toward a better future, I believe you’ll never allow another to take such advantage of you again. I too am on that journey and have never felt so free in many, many years.
God is sooooooooo good. 💖
May you continue to go from ‘strength to strength’ as you worship in His awesome cathedral. See you there!
Jackie 😊💖
Tim Healy
So good to hear from you Jackie! And delighted to hear that your soul is soaring again.
Barb and Geoff
Now we have a better understanding of why we love you so much.
I have no eloquent words Tim to express how much closer to Jesus we feel after hearing you speak – we just do!
Thank you for sharing your story and praises to the Lord you are FREE ❤️
Tim Healy
Love you too Barbara! 🙂
Kerry
Thanks Tim for sharing.
That has helped me immensely. To reason is one thing but to realise and be still in His creation is an awesome picture of re-birthing and seeing with new eyes.
Bless ya
Tim Healy
So glad it’s helpful Kerry. Blessings.
Janine
Amen 🙏 brother so true ,we all have had in one way or another,just differences in our trauma,everyone of them count to God ,because all matter to God ,the beauty of each trauma ,how is it beautiful with God only with God ,what God offers us is to see the good awesome beauty in Him ,and definitely what surrounds us healing is in the word truth love off God when the earth smiles when we take in such perfect 👌 breathtaking views that what brings us back to God His love 🙏for us ,he never misses a beat gives back to us strength and reassuring love comfort a place of the purest divine peace 🙏🤗🌻now that is love🙏🙏🙏That is peace🙏
Tim Healy
Divine peace indeed!
Jacob Yardley
Wonderfuly written Tim, bless you 🙏
Tim Healy
Thanks my friend